Finding the Right Birthing Method

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I’ve mentioned that the professionals present at Gv’s birth all thought that I was a Hypnobirthing mom, but I wasn’t.  Hypnobirthing wasn’t for me.  My first thought was, “Hypnosis?  That’s for wackadoos.”  During a checkup, however, my midwife asked me what I had in mind for my labor strategy and so I told her that I’d read about all types of them, but that I didn’t really know what would be best for me.  She asked how I handled pain in the past and when I told her, she suggested I look into Hypnobirthing.  She said it wasn’t what I thought it was and I might be surprised that it was right up my alley.

So of course that meant I immediately checked out every book I could from the library on the topic and that G scoured the internet for his amazing $0-2 deals on books.  I read them all and my midwife was right, hypnobirthing wasn’t the wackadoo thing I’d expected, but I still didn’t think it was for me.

I even came across a local news personality who tried it herself and reported on it here.  This video series got me excited and made me explore the topic further.  It even led me to contact a local Hypnobirthing Coach, one I wound up using as my doula.

What ended up happening, though, was that in investigating all these strategies, I was better able to judge what was and wasn't in the realm of my comfort zone.  I was able to figure out how to form my own strategy and what would work best for me.

And you know what?  It worked.  I’d read in Dr. Amen’s book, The Birth That's Right For You: A Doctor and a Doula Help You Choose and Customize the Best Birth Option to Fit Your Needsthat you need to trust yourself and not try to learn something new for your labor.  He mentioned that you should consider how you’ve dealt with intense pain in the past and follow that method, since that’s what’s natural to you.

That was probably some of the best advice I read.  You need to do what fits you.  So, if you are reading this and giving birth for the first time, I encourage you to think of how you deal with pain regularly.  What do you do when you have a horrible headache?  Or intense menstrual cramps?  What do you do to make yourself feel better when you’re sick?  Cuddle up with a blanket and some hot tea?  Take a warm bath?

Make a list of how you deal with things now and keep those in mind to share with your birth support team.

And don’t feel guilty for not doing things a certain way.  Just because I was birthing differently than most didn’t mean that I also had to sign on to some newfangled labor method simply because it fit the “alternative birth” mold.

I'd love to read your input, whether you've birthed a whole slew of babies or are gearing up for your first one.  Either comment here or email me at lisahealy (at) outlook (dot) com.

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Water Birth Class

At our birth center, if we were interested in having a water birth, we were required to take a class for it first.  I hadn't decided if that option was the way I wanted to deliver my baby, but I knew I wanted anything possibly helpful to be available to me, just in case.  I’d read a couple of books that described water births and most were very hippie-dippy, but the one thing I read that mattered most to me was that it might not hurt as much. 

At the start of the class, everyone was asked to share the reason why they were interested in a water birth.  All the other women were gushing about feeling empowered or the connection through the water or some other mushy gobbledygook like that.  When it was my turn, I said, “I’ve just heard it doesn’t hurt as badly in the tub, and that sounds pretty good to me!”

The expressions on the faces of the others told me that I did not have the “right” answer and did not belong in “the club.”

You know what, though?  It didn’t matter if I didn’t fit in, because we got through the class and that meant that regardless of my reason behind exploring the water birth option, I could do it if I wanted to. 

Going into labor, I was all for getting in the tub to see if it helped.  My attitude was if that was working and she was born in the water, great.  If not, no big deal.

I ended up laboring in the tub and while I would never say it was a relaxing experience, I was able to relax better than I expected.  So much so that my contractions started slowing down and we had to try all sorts of other strategies to get her out into the world.  My doula, midwife, and labor assistant all commented on how I looked like a hypnobirthing mom (which I wasn't), because I seemed so relaxed and “in the zone.”

As it turned out, Gv emerged on the bed.  It didn’t look like the typical bed birth and gosh, it was a lot of work, but everyone was fine and healthy and we got through it all.  And that’s all I wanted, without any other expectations.  I think being open to lots of different options with the end goal in mind is probably the most helpful advice I can think of when considering your birth plan.  If your heart isn’t set on a specific expectation, then there’s a better chance of having no regrets following the experience.

And if you want a water birth because you’re got passionate mushy gobbledygook feelings about it, that’s okay, too!

How about you?  Do you find that you seem to be doing things for the same reasons as everybody else?  Or have you realized that you’re a little offbeat and that some "typical" alternative things just aren't for you?  I'd love to hear about it!  Either leave a comment or email me at lisahealy (at) outlook (dot) com.

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Firing My Doctor - Part 3

This is part three of a three-part series, Firing My Doctor, where I share what we did when faced with a big decision during my pregnancy.  Here you can find part one and part two.

"hey, You...stop that!" by ElmWolf, used under CC BY 2.0 / Text bar added by Syncopated Mama

When we got home from our troubling appointment, I immediately opened up the computer to see what I could find relating to natural birthing in our area.  At this point, I was assuming I'd have to remain with a doctor due to my "high-risk/advanced maternal age" status and so I tried exploring the hospitals in the area and looking for certified nurse midwives that worked in OB/GYN practices.

It was a lot of work.

My mind was swimming with statistics and opinions that ranged from one extreme to the other and, with a headache and a clock displaying a time that was way past my bedtime, I closed the computer and headed to bed.

The next day at school, I was able to push my anxieties out of the way while the kids were in class, but at dismissal, the worries came flooding back.  A few minutes after I returned to my room to plan, God did something cool.  I didn't think of it that way at the time, but looking back, I totally see His fingerprints all over that afternoon.

A dear friend stopped in, out of the blue, to see me.  She had recently left her position at our school and was stopping by on her way home just to say hello to a few of her favorite pals.  I poured out my woes to her and she gave me the name of a friend she had who was a doula and very involved in natural birth topics.  She told me to look her up on Facebook and see if this friend could help in any way.

So I wrapped things up in my room and headed home.  I sent this gal a friend request right away, explaining who I was and that I was hoping she might be a friendly resource for the world of natural birthing practices.  She accepted my request right away and said she'd be happy to help in whatever way she could.  She gave me her number and told me to call any time, which was sweet, but I'm not really the call-a-stranger-and-pick-her-brain kind of gal, no matter how friendly the stranger seems.

A couple of hours later, however, she sends me a link to an event being held the next night.  It was a "Childbirth Options Class" being presented by a local Birth Network and although it was located about an hour from our home, it was free and sounded like it might be just what we were looking for to help us figure things out.

Well, we went and it was perfect!  It seemed like every topic they covered answered another question or concern that we had.  I learned just how easy it can be to get caught up in the slippery slope of interventions at a hospital and I knew that with my personality, I would easily fall prey to the suggestions of "the experts" during the labor experience.

We stayed behind after the meeting to chat with a few of the presenters and learned that I shouldn't ignore the option of a birth center just because of my age.  The doulas present encouraged me to tour one closer to our home and undergo an assessment, because birth centers really don't care about age as much as overall health.

So we left the meeting with a lot of pamphlets and business cards and a long list of things to research, but I was just so excited to have something positive to investigate and felt hopeful that a better alternative might be out there for us.

The next day, I called our local birth center and asked to set up an appointment to take a tour and find out more.  We went the next week and knew right away that this was where we belonged.  We learned that I was not high risk and that I was healthier than most young moms and our interview with the midwife taught me that while the staff was not composed of doctors and nurses, they were well trained and specialized in just what we were there for: births.

We discovered that we would be responsible for much of my care because the center's goal was to empower us to make the best decisions for our particular family.  I liked that a lot.  They would present us with all the information and then it was up to us to do further research and make a decision about the procedures, procedures which are usually mandatory in a traditional OB/GYN practice.  We were also informed that there was a doctor available in case any questionable issues came up or in case of emergency.

When G and I got into the car after the appointment, we breathed a sigh of relief.  Barring any insurance issues (the birth center would be checking on our coverage for us the next day), we felt confident that making this change would be the right decision.

The next day, the birth center called with great news: our insurance would cover the birth 100% and we didn't even have a co pay!  I guess this was because it's so much cheaper for the insurance company to cover a birth center birth...I just don't understand why they wouldn't promote this option to more couples out there.

I hung up the phone, then dialed my doctor's office and requested that all my files be transferred to the birth center.  I'm so grateful that I learned about the birth center option and I have never looked back or regretted the decision I made to fire my doctor!

Have you ever been in a situation like this?  If so, how did you handle it?  Have you discovered other great resources to consult when facing these types of decisions?  Does your area have its own local birth network?  Feel free to comment or drop me an email at lisahealy (at) outlook (dot) com.

Firing My Doctor - Part 2

This is part two of a three-part series, Firing My Doctor, where I share what we did when faced with a big decision during my pregnancy.  You can find part one here.

"hey, You...stop that!" by ElmWolf, used under CC BY 2.0 / Text bar added by Syncopated Mama

We returned in two weeks for what we had been told was just a follow-up with my bloodwork.  We were quite surprised when the nurse led us back to the room and told us we’d be having an ultrasound.  Was something wrong?  If so, then we were fine with having another ultrasound if it would help, but we weren’t interested in having this procedure unless it could make a difference in my treatment along the way.

The doctor came in and told us everything looked great with my blood work and asked me to lay back onto the table so he could do the ultrasound.  I asked what the ultrasound was for and he said just to look around.  I told him we didn’t want it if there wasn’t more of a reason behind it.  He couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t want another chance to see our baby.  (We just felt like it’s not proven that ultrasounds are completely safe and without any effects on the baby – like bothering those little ears with the sound waves – so why chance it if it’s not necessary)  He even offered to do it for free.

Now, I’m all for a good deal and free is as good as it gets, but I again declined the offer.  His response?  “Fine, if you don’t care about seeing whether your baby’s alive or not…”

Whoa.  Not cool.  G’s response was that there was just no reason to suspect otherwise and basically dismissed the doctor.

As I was getting dressed, I was pretty shaken up.  That’s just not something that should be said to an anxiety-prone woman pregnant for the first time, and at such an “advanced maternal age.”

G was wonderful, telling me that the doctor was looney and reminding me that we had already placed our trust in God that our baby was fine.

We scheduled the next appointment, but went home and immediately began researching alternatives.

Click here to read part three where I share how we found our new provider and how that can help you in your own search.

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Firing My Doctor - Part 1

I did not receive compensation or free products for this review -- I just really like these vitamins. This post does include affiliate links. If you order something, I will receive a small commission at no cost to you. And thanks so much for clicking!

Having a baby is life-changing.  There are immediately so many choices to make (and it's only the beginning!) and one of the most crucial is deciding on your birth provider.  What happens when your assumptions regarding this decision are turned upside down?  How do you cope and where do you turn for help?

I hope to do just that in this three-part series, Firing My Doctor, where I share what we did when faced with this situation.

"hey, You...stop that!" by ElmWolf, used under CC BY 2.0 / Text bar added by Syncopated Mama

We were pregnant and knew we wanted to bring our more natural lifestyle into our pregnancy/birth journey, but I assumed that could all be done within the “normal” medical world.

At our first appointment at week ten, we met with my OB/GYN of the past fifteen years, seated in front of his desk so that we could discuss what to expect in the upcoming months.  The humor which kept me an established patient was on in full force and he took the time to answer our already-long list of questions.

G received all sorts of kudos when he showed the doctor my bottle of prenatal vitamins.  The doctor was impressed with their quality and composition and said the only thing we should add was DHA. 

By the way, the vitamins were awesome.  They didn’t make me sick or give me any other issues and I highly recommend them.

 I also took iron, which did not give me any constipation issues at all and I recommend them, as well.

 I took these for the DHA, and having grown such a big, healthy baby, I’d say they did the trick, as well.

After our chat with the doctor, we were feeling pretty in sync and headed to the examining room for the next portion of our appointment.

He did an ultrasound just to make sure everything looked good, which it did, but then he dated Gv younger than she was (I’d kept track of things, so I knew exactly which day she was conceived, so the date difference threw me a bit).  We chatted a bit more and he informed me I was high risk, due to my “advanced maternal age” (I was 38) and brushed me off a bit with my questions about having a natural birth.

He basically said that if I was crazy enough to want to try birthing without drugs, he’d give me a chance to try it out for a while.  He said he thought it was insane for any woman to give birth that way, and that he’d “cut me if he needed to and wouldn’t if I didn’t need it.” (This response followed my episiotomy question.)

He also said that he had the final say in any decision because (chuckling) he was the doctor.

We left that appointment starting to wonder if things would be able to go the way we’d hoped, after all.  Plus, I was starting to experience some anxiety due to the dating difference between the ultrasound and my date.  Of course, the doctor had implied that my date was wrong, because the equipment doesn’t lie.

Click here to read part two where I share the results of our follow-up appointment and the moment we knew we needed to make a move and fire my doctor. 

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